Are you sad because nobody visits your website? Do you wake up in the night with tears because not a single person has noticed your online existence? Do you feel sick to your stomach each time you update your blog because you expect to die lonely and alone?
Congratulations. You’re pathetic. But I can help.
Why would you want an Evil Overlord to help you?
It’s simple. I’m an evil overlord who wants to take advantage of your low self-esteem. Not because I want your first born child, but because you’re more valuable than you think.
You’re crying about your failures and your meaningless existence… This means you haven’t quit yet.
You can’t conquer the world on the backs of quitters
Quitters suck. They wave a white flag in the face of adversity. They fall flat on their face in the mud.
You on the other-hand are depressed because of your consistency at one thing – failing over and over again. I’d much rather harvest the soul of a failure than a quitter. You might be terrible, but at least you’re dedicated to it.
Don’t be fooled – we have something in common. It’s not my superior intelligence, super-human skills, or ability to slam dunk in a junior sized basketball net. But consider this – my evil plots and schemes fail time and time again.
But I know the laws of probability are in my favor. Perseverance will lead to victory – just ask my good friend Wile. E. Coyote…
Will you get your cheezburger sumday?
The truth is probably not.
Sorry.
I thought you said you could help?!
I’m not a motivational speaker. The fact is, statistics and the laws of probability work both ways. If you’ve proven you can fail consistently, chances are you’ll keep on doing it.
Unless you make a change. That’s how I can help.
Take the first step – Subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed.
It couldn’t be more simple. Subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed.
It will change your life.
I won’t tell you to believe in yourself if you suck. I won’t wait until you’re down to kick you, I’ll do it while you’re up. I’ll help you hit rock bottom ASAP, so maybe, just maybe, you can skip being pathetic and move on to something more productive.
I’ll teach you how to become an Evil Overlord so you don’t live the rest of your life as a tiny insignificant peon.
Why should I trust an Evil Overlord?
If you become my minion, I can help you be less pathetic. You should take advantage of that. You should use me until I no longer serve a useful purpose in your quest for greatness.
I’ll teach you how to fail a little bit less every time you fail. Did you ever see Dr. Evil succeed in one of his twisted genius plots for world domination? No. And yet to this day he remains a role model and iconic visionary for all Evil Overlords around the globe…
That’s brilliant. You can be brilliant too.
Stop being pathetic. Become a minion of the Looble Empire, subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed.
